A Lovely Harmless Monster

Editing: blog/brain-ups-downs

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title:Brain ups and downs
author:matt
tags:blog, books, personal
date:2025-05-27
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I'm reading again, that's the important thing. After I finished *Sick Little Monkeys*, the subject of my [Ren & Stimpy](/blog/ren-and-stimpy) post, I thought "wow, now I remember how good reading makes me feel. I should keep doing it." And I did.

I also got back into audiobooks. It's been a distressingly long time since I've taken the chance on an audio book, but not long ago, my library hold on John Green's *Everything is Tuberculosis*, which I placed back in March, finally became available. I listened to that and it was very good. Five stars.

I'll post a short summary and review of what I've been reading soon, but the important thing I've learned is, I should *always* have a book to read at home and an audiobook to listen to at work. Reading is maybe the best thing I can do with my leisure time. The effect that it's had on my attention span and overall amount of stress and anxiety is enormous. I'm calmer, I can think more clearly, and I feel more confident in myself. I tend to hit lulls because after I finish a book, I try to find the perfect book to read next. I hem and haw and usually wait so long to start something new that I end up losing all my inertia and forgetting that I like to read. I've learned that it's best to just start reading something else immediately, it doesn't have to be something new or big or important, it can be a re-read of a favorite book, a novella, an entry in a trashy but readable fantasy series, *anything* to keep the momentum going... and even the trashiest fantasy novel is probably going to be better for my brain than whatever else I do to relax.

I'm already disinclined from watching movies and TV, but I also spend a lot of time in front of my computer doing... essentially nothing? I rewatch youtube videos a lot. I watch new ones, but the number of subscriptions I have is fairly low. I guess I read a lot of blogs and articles and stuff I get recommended on fedi, but in an unintentional, easily distracted kind of way. Now when I get home from work, instead of plopping in front of the computer and loading up youtube, I'll lie down and read for an hour or two. Sunny's been very helpful in this regard.

>![](https://i.imgur.com/1OM9rvg.jpeg)
>
>Sunny, a black cat, lies on my stomach and looks relaxed as I pet her back. She laid on me while I read for nearly 2 hours.

Reading on a cool quiet day with a cat on me is one of the very best things in life. I recommend it.

Now here's the bad part: I'm currently on day 2 without my meds. They were due on Sunday, during a dreaded three-day weekend. Naturally, I didn't think to contact my doctor's office for a refill until Friday, because I don't think about this shit a week in advance. Nobody came in on Friday, and Monday was a holiday, so I finally got the refill today and I can take it again starting tomorrow. Hopefully my brain isn't complete mush tomorrow and I can start a longer entry about what I've been reading. If you're on The StoryGraph and you want a sneak preview, [feel free to follow me](https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/matt_bee), but I pretty much just use it to track what books I read and give star ratings, my actual thoughts will go here. I started a challenge to read 30 books this year, and I fell embarrasingly, hilariously behind almost immediately: I've read 7 books and I need to read 5 more to get back on track with my goal. But considering 4 of those 7 have been in the past month, I think I'm more than able to get caught up, *as long as I don't stop*. Having my brain in the habit of reading has definitely reduced the amount of suffering in the last couple days. I must remember this. Now if you'll excuse me, it's 21h30 and I need to go collapse into bed.

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